My baby just got back from health although I lost all of my files up till now. Will now more later in the new year. Can't believe that 2005 is getting near to the end. I can't believe that I have been here for some time as well.

Anyway, to everyone, Merry Christmas. Kindda late but I don't care. It is the thoughts that counts...

Class......

I'm actually in class now, on a Sunday. Yes, you heard me, I did say Sunday. We are having class on Sunday so that there is no class on Friday and we can do whatever we want and start the holiday....

Watching 'Commanding Heights' again... So sleepy and tired. Slept very little and class starts at 8. Can you believe it?? Till 5 pm... Everyone is so sick and tired. Everybody just spaced out. Hehhehhehhehe...... Not surprised.

Responsibilty and freedom?????

I was just thinking of the whole idea of having responsibility. Too much responsibilty made one to be tough, strong, mature and consider everyone's problem to be theirs and more. Looking at my own's and others, who confide in me, we seem to be facing the same problems, same headaches but different intensity.

Why is it so? It is said that by having freedom then you will have responsibility, but for me, I have no freedom but loads of responsibility. When would have my own freedom? I'm still a prisoner with an ankle chain, who have the same responsibility a free person might have. Too much responsibility I say.

How much of a freedom do I have right now? I have no idea. To me, until I can have my own house and do my own things, I will then be free. For right now, I'm not free...

Looking back....

I know I should have stop reading Ivan's blog... Hahahhahaa........ But old habits die hard. Should have stop remembering everybody's blog address. Get me depression.

Anyway, I attended the Culture Night at HIM. Its totally a different thing compared to the International Day in Caux. I guess I still like it there in Caux but the one in HIM is much better than the previous semester.

Life has been fine but I guess I need more action. My life is a repetition of what I always have done. I'm like a machine who is always on repeat mode, each new day. Why is it so? Won't I be like a loser who doesn't get what seem to be the best for me? Look at my life....

I have always been alone even though I have a boyfriend. I guess, I haven't found someone who would understand me and I understand him. Not only that, I still can't make it out in the world on my own. I'm still a lowly person who won't and never make it in life. Look at my circumstances... Look at all those people who makes it in life and is or already married... Look at all those happy faces, those people who have everything while I have none. I have nothing that I can be proud of except that I have been here in Switzerland. Even so, I'm proud to say that I can experience new friendships and face the challenge of keeping the old ones, which I always fail.

Looking back at my past, I'm happy that I can be right at where I am now. At the present time when I can experience the life that I have never would if I were to stay at where most of my family lived. But looking back as well, I wish I could have all those things back again, where we always get together on weekends.

Looking at my friends, I can't decide if I should be happy or not comparing to them. But, I tried not to compare. Its my life and I should experience my life as best as I could. But... it can never will as I'm a pessimist. A pessimist who love to be pessimistic about everything. Looking at my whole life, I can say that I haven't lived to my fullest......

Whats wrong with you people????????

Pissed off at Sebastian. What kind of person are you? When you are down, people help you but when others need your help, you are like a human being running away from a poo... Damn it. Just what kind of a bro are you? I think I'm destined not to have any bro. Look my relationship with Cahya, still going nowhere I think. Now, Sebastian... no comment dude.....

I'm sick and yet no one cares about me.... Even my flatmates keep on teasing me as if I'm not sick.... Sigh...... I just hope that I would get better soon. I still haven't got the chance to go to the Christmas market and boy, I would love to have churros again. Even though I stop only at one....