I'm blue

Just went out to IKEA. Bought some stuff which I hope, can fit into my little studio room. Very tiring going there. Thought I might rent a car but unfortunately, one, there is no more car to be rented out, two, I forgotten to go to the other rental place. But overall is fine.

Little update about stuff. I pity Navin. He is going through dark moments again. His grandma passed away and mother in the hospital. Hope his mom gets better.

In truth, nothing really happening right now. By the way, found out that there is more earthquakes in Indonesia. Just hopes that everything in Indo is fine. I have most of my family back home so I hope its fine with them.

Updates, updates, updates.....

Having resolution right now. One only. I'm trying to act normal with him and I will do it because I'm Yanti. Hahahhahhahha.....

Nothing much happening except that I have to miss out visiting Interlaken and Geneva because of personal stuff and as well, no one sms me back if I could stay with them. So right now, yours truly at Leysin visiting people but unfortunately, she might not be staying due to the fact that, yours truly can't get anyone else to stay at. Poor me.....

Thanks for Gary coz he left me some message for me to stay stronger and here I am, getting stronger by not caring too much of other people. I will try to be the insensitive Yanti when I know I can't do it really well...... Oh ya, have anybody ever thought about sensitivity?? I mean, it is nice to be sensitive but you still have to know when it end but then again, sigh..... some people I know, just don't understand about things like this.

Why is it that one don't understand that everyone needs a pat in the back and love? I miss my book of quotes. It is somewhere in my room but right now, I'm not so can't do anything with it.

Leysin is such a huge place. Glad I don't have to remember everywhere here. Hahahahhhaa...........

I was cleaning up my library of songs. Don't know why I do have songs that I don't like and yet I still keep it. So, I deleted quite a lot of songs already. I need to keep cleaning out my computer due to the fact that I have used more than 50gb of memory which is no good since my baby have only 60gb......

Can't breathe easy

I'm a bit down today... Like I'm never down. In fact, today or what happened today, make me realize that I should stop thinking about him. Unfortunately...... I can't and it makes me so mad and jealous if he don't talk, be sensitive towards me. It gets me mad so often that I hate myself for that....

Why I can't be like others who doesn't care if they have a boyfriend or not. Why I can't be like others who doesn't care about relationships??? I hate it and the worse thing is, I can't talk to anyone about how I feel and what I'm feeling because, I dont' trust myself to talk to anybody right now. I'm afraid I might break down....

I'm afraid that I hurt myself which happens a lot of times and I don't know why I can't stop it. I felt so useless, so emotional. Wish I can stop it but I just can't bottled up my feelings. Feelings are not to be bottled up but then again, I do still bottled it up et c'est la merde. Toujour comme ça. Je me deteste. Pourquoi? Pourquoi?

Mais encore, c'est la vie et la vie un artiste. Sigh........ Why is that feelings always complicated? Always..... It got me into troubles and I get other people into trouble too. Whoever I hurt, please forgive me. I can't help or do anything as I can't help myself.

On the other hand, my night shift is ending tonight. No more night shift up until whenever I'm needed again. Doing night shifts is fun and boring. Fun that I can do anything I like with regards I finished everything I need to finish and boring in regards to that there is not much people here. Feel so lonely and so alone, which unfortunately, that person didn't realize. AARRGGGHHH...........

On a happier note, Leny gave birth to a boy on this morning with 4,050 kg and 52 cm. Congratulations to her and I do miss her. She is someone who touches everybody lives even though we know her only for one semester.........

Doing night shifts again....

Had a talk with Sani... I think he is right. I'm to sensitive but I just can't help feeling like that at times.... I needed to be reminded that people do love me, people do think about me, that people are feeling the way I feel about them...

But somehow, it is nice to know that somebody reminded me that I'm being sensitive....

Working night shifts again due to mid term exams.... Feeling sleepy already..... I mean since 3 hours ago..... Oh well....just as such.....

Make me HAPPY please....

Why do I feel so vulnerable to feelings? I hate it so much.... Life has been so bad for me that I felt that I want to cry....

I badly needed him but he left me all alone.... to suffer on my own.... to cry on my own...