Can't breathe easy
I'm a bit down today... Like I'm never down. In fact, today or what happened today, make me realize that I should stop thinking about him. Unfortunately...... I can't and it makes me so mad and jealous if he don't talk, be sensitive towards me. It gets me mad so often that I hate myself for that....
Why I can't be like others who doesn't care if they have a boyfriend or not. Why I can't be like others who doesn't care about relationships??? I hate it and the worse thing is, I can't talk to anyone about how I feel and what I'm feeling because, I dont' trust myself to talk to anybody right now. I'm afraid I might break down....
I'm afraid that I hurt myself which happens a lot of times and I don't know why I can't stop it. I felt so useless, so emotional. Wish I can stop it but I just can't bottled up my feelings. Feelings are not to be bottled up but then again, I do still bottled it up et c'est la merde. Toujour comme ça. Je me deteste. Pourquoi? Pourquoi?
Mais encore, c'est la vie et la vie un artiste. Sigh........ Why is that feelings always complicated? Always..... It got me into troubles and I get other people into trouble too. Whoever I hurt, please forgive me. I can't help or do anything as I can't help myself.
On the other hand, my night shift is ending tonight. No more night shift up until whenever I'm needed again. Doing night shifts is fun and boring. Fun that I can do anything I like with regards I finished everything I need to finish and boring in regards to that there is not much people here. Feel so lonely and so alone, which unfortunately, that person didn't realize. AARRGGGHHH...........
On a happier note, Leny gave birth to a boy on this morning with 4,050 kg and 52 cm. Congratulations to her and I do miss her. She is someone who touches everybody lives even though we know her only for one semester.........
Why I can't be like others who doesn't care if they have a boyfriend or not. Why I can't be like others who doesn't care about relationships??? I hate it and the worse thing is, I can't talk to anyone about how I feel and what I'm feeling because, I dont' trust myself to talk to anybody right now. I'm afraid I might break down....
I'm afraid that I hurt myself which happens a lot of times and I don't know why I can't stop it. I felt so useless, so emotional. Wish I can stop it but I just can't bottled up my feelings. Feelings are not to be bottled up but then again, I do still bottled it up et c'est la merde. Toujour comme ça. Je me deteste. Pourquoi? Pourquoi?
Mais encore, c'est la vie et la vie un artiste. Sigh........ Why is that feelings always complicated? Always..... It got me into troubles and I get other people into trouble too. Whoever I hurt, please forgive me. I can't help or do anything as I can't help myself.
On the other hand, my night shift is ending tonight. No more night shift up until whenever I'm needed again. Doing night shifts is fun and boring. Fun that I can do anything I like with regards I finished everything I need to finish and boring in regards to that there is not much people here. Feel so lonely and so alone, which unfortunately, that person didn't realize. AARRGGGHHH...........
On a happier note, Leny gave birth to a boy on this morning with 4,050 kg and 52 cm. Congratulations to her and I do miss her. She is someone who touches everybody lives even though we know her only for one semester.........
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