Hurt me more people and I would be grateful...

Was just reading Ivan's blog. Think I felt as if I got a knife that drives through my heart. It hurts so bad and I wish I never read his blog. Reality hurts though. I did read his blog and I have to respect his feelings and decision.

Anyway, I met Daniel yesterday and talked about who I am and who I was. He told me that every semester, I go down and down. He hit the right spot about me loving relationship, loving someone to love and yet having no one. I don't deny about a void in me but I don't know what I want. I don't know if I want to change something. I don't know already.

I think I have been hurt too much that I don't trust guys anymore, in fact, I trust gals more. You know whats the worst thing, I have actually thought of being not straight. But I know, I won't be one even though I thought about it. Something might change though... Hahahhahaha.....

I have been hurt too long that I detest being with guys other than friends. I have less and less guy friends and I'm getting into a point where I don't mind being alone. But, I'm afraid to be alone. I know I'm contradicting myself but I think I would know something soon.

Think I'm getting into depression soon especially with all the work load I have as well....