Why am I a devil?

I felt so sorry after what I did. I'm so sorry. I felt so bad and so dirty. I felt so unreal. Felt so cheap. Felt like a dream. Felt like as if I can be torn apart and thrown away like a dirty napkin. I think I will know what to do. I will seek forgiveness in another way. If only I wasn't such a devil now that I can think of not doing it. Dumb ass...

A new year, a new resolution, a new way of thinking, a new concept, a new life...