Squabble...

Kindda have a fight with Cahya. It started with me doesn't approve that he accepted a girl to be his 'sister'. I am his 'sister' as well. The thing is, I don't like him or any of my 'brother' takes another sister. It suddenly feel that I'm not special anymore. It gives me the vibe that I am just someone else, like a normal friends. So I told him that I would be just his normal friend, no more the siblings type.

When I have a 'brother' I actually choose them to be one but since Cahya, I have had only Andrei 'R', Edo and Ivan - I actually don't have any contact anymore with Andrei and Edo. And to think that I'm the one who tries to contact Cahya. Yes, he will argue that he actually calls me up in Slipi (where I lived in Jakarta) but did try any other means to find/search for me? No, I don't think so. So I guess, I felt that he owe me that much to be just me... I know it sounds unreasonable but hey... like I said, he owe me that much.... Maybe I'm too harsh in this..... Think something wrong with my mood again...

Anyway, went out today with 2 of my primary school friends. Verly and Yoko. We were actually from same primary school and had move on on different paths. Fortunately, our paths crosses again... So we went out for dinner and had a walk. Was very nice. Imagine, if we counted from primary one up until now, we have known one another for 16 years. Amazing isn't it?? I love it. I'm happy.

Something to ponder again...

Just been reading on what Cahya wrote after he left for KL. Somehow, I'm happy that he learned something on our meeting up which I hope could improve on his relationship with Inge. I know relationships is not easy and never would be unless, each one of us take time to let free the other - on this, I find myself hard to give it wings- , to spend quality and not quantity together - another which for me hard to actually do it - and even to accept who the other person as who he/she is not because he/she looks like your ex(s)....

As I write, I couldn't help not to reflect on my last relationship. Indeed it is less than a month but somehow, the things that I wrote actually applies to both of us. Myself on the things that I hardly can do while he, on the latter one. I think, it is selfish on him or any person to go out with the opposite sex just because he/she looked or maybe act like your ex(s). It is selfish and very immature of that person to actually do that and it will hurt the other if he/she finds out. I know because I have been through it. I was the victim but somehow, it does how I take 'courtship' lightly. I think now, I should keep to the old-fashioned way of 'courtship' where the guy have to prove themselves that they are worthy of your love, care and concern...

Ponder, ponder

Cahya left today back to KL (Kuala Lumpur), Malaysia. The times that I have spent with him was somewhat short for the period of our 'ships together. 9 years with big huge gaps of absence. Indeed as people say, "Absence does maketh the heart fonder" Ironically, that is how our 'ships goes as well and as I was writing this, somehow I wish I could have more of this... More of the meetings and more of the remembrance of the people that have touched my life.. Indeed, even though I might not understand what actually they have touched at one particular time, I have somewhat realized that their existence does make me feel comforted even though not at the best of times...

Here I am, thinking about meeting up yet, I don't actually try to make the effort to make appointments to meet people even though they are so near. Not that I don't want to but the busyness of each person's life have clouded the importance of keeping in contact with people that have touched each of our lives in the past. Somehow, I felt like giving a decree for people to keep their Saturdays off just to meet these people but like I said - or write- they are clouded by what seems more important than those 'ships e.g. money - sadly I am one of them- , their places in society of the famous and rich - which I find stupid- etc..

Anyway, I'm missing everyone out there....

Yuhu.....

Been back in Singapore for almost 2 weeks. Didn't do anything much due to the fact that (1) I'm not allowed to go out till late at night - I know... curfews but then again, I actually do break it. (2) My sis went back to Indo and so now I'm in charge of the picking up and the fetching of her kids and as well as the taking care of them... so since I'm taking care of them, my time during the day is used up... and during at night, please refer back to numero uno...

Anyway, glad that I'm back here... during all the day, I'm just reading books, sleeping and eating.. I know... HUGE SLACKER.. I never denied it anyway... I know I am and always be :P

Been to different places to have coffee and I'm glad that I found one where it is to my standard. I know I'm crazy just to find a good place to have coffee but then again, I like to enjoy my drink or food.

I have been given a gift of spending time with Cahya who came all the way from KL... We spent a few days together which to me is really a gift and I still can't believe that we still keep in contact for this long... 9 years... 9 long years of waiting and yet now we met up... Memories which I will keep and treasure... Will never forget... And he is getting married too... This year and the next is the season to get married....

Would Life Still Goes On For Me?

Been so down lately due to some personal problem. Hate myself for being so deep into my feelings... Very emotional which is not good I know. Anyway...I have been trying to forget about this sad turn of my life... I felt so distraught that I actually can't bear to look at the happy world I seem to know before... But, I know that I have to... To feel strong and just be happy about it..

Right now, have been a week since I have landed to this land of Singapore. Didn't do anything much except to read book after book when I'm not going out or driving...

Next week, yours truly would be flying to Indonesia which would last hopefully -fingers crossed- a week.... but if it is longer, I wouldn't mind I think... Anyway, this trip is not for pleasure, for business...